


I Cling to The Dents

by maharieel



Category: Mass Effect, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Reconciliation, these two have ruined me so of course i have to write something sad for them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 15:30:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10596900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maharieel/pseuds/maharieel
Summary: The road to forgiveness is not always smooth.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for the Final Mission + Reyes Romance (kinda)

Meridian was many things (beautiful, hopeful, a new beginning) and yet whenever Reyes let it cross his mind, the only thing he heard was her screams.   

He’d been on his ship when the attack begun and for a while he’d stood at the helm and just . . . listened. Half the bloody cluster had shown up to the shit-show, which hadn’t actually surprised him as much as he supposed it should have, and within seconds carnage had broken out. Through the chaos, the familiar voice of a certain Pathfinder had ricocheted through the cockpit, weary and pissed beyond belief, which had only made his stomach twist in on itself. It hadn’t been until he’d finally caught sight of trails of biotic flares below that the tightness had begun to subside slightly.   

“You doing ok, Ryder?” he’d quipped over the comms as he had tried to mask the slight tremble in his hands by fiddling with his rifle.

After a moment and a flash of biotics, her voice had rattled over the comm. “I would be if these fuckers would just – ah shit, Cora, now!”

Reyes had snapped his eyes from the gun in his hands back out the window in time to see a massive explosion of azure power ripple across the field, enemy signatures fading out across the board. Even from such a distance he could just make out the forms of two bodies encased in blue energy, tearing their way towards central command, guns blazing. The sight, followed by the assurance of a lot of people with a lot of big guns, had been enough for Reyes to turn and begin prepping his team for a ground assault.

That had been the last time he’d seen Ryder, too distracted by Kett and his men and keeping the blood inside of himself to be able to spare much attention elsewhere. He had been able to hear her over the comms for a time, a small thing to appreciate in amongst such bloodshed, and he _had_ appreciated the sound of her voice ringing in his ears over the sound of gunfire and his own swearing.  The calm amongst the storm, he’d supposed, until it wasn’t.

Reyes had been in the process of shooting out a Kett’s brains when her voice had torn through him. “ _Seth!_ ” she shouted, voice cracking horribly in his ear. “Fuck! Goddamnit, I’m interfacing. Cora cover me!”

_(He would have urged her not to be foolish if he’d only been by her side like he should have been)._

He’d stopped and dropped to cover just in time to hear her scream tear across the comms so loudly he thought his eardrums might burst and his heart might _shatter_ right there, in the sodden ground of the place that was supposed to be their last, joyous salvation. Reyes had sat and listened to her suffer, had begun shouting into the comm despite himself _(Ryder, Sidra, no, no, talk to me!)_ as the screaming continued over the chaos, and it wasn’t until the link broke into undefinable static that he realised he’d been clipped in the shoulder by a rogue Kett bullet.

The pain had been nothing compared to the desolate nature of his heart. He’d let himself bleed.

 

* * *

 

 He didn’t give himself the luxury of going in search of her – of his _heart_ – until after he was sure the ground was drenched in Kett blood.

One of his crew had rushed to his side and begun the process of sealing the wound in his shoulder and his hip and the gash that was leaking down his forehead, and Reyes simply sat before her like a ghost, unmoving and silent as she did her job. He wasn’t even sure what she’d done, except that after a few moments he’d regained feeling in his arm and the pulsing in his head had subsided. His heart, on the other hand, was still screaming within him, crashing against his ribcage like a deranged animal on the brink of death. If the doc noticed his raging pulse, she didn’t say anything.

“All good, sir,” she muttered from somewhere to his left.

Reyes stood on unsteady feet, rifle in hand. “Thanks.”

He forced himself to keep a steady pace until he was well out of range of his men. Then, he ran.

The comms were going mad with cheering and celebrations, but Reyes couldn’t give a shit about any of it. He tried numerous times to page Ryder but was met with static every time, and the frustrated punch he threw at a tree at one point didn’t do wonders for his aching side. Eventually he heard the voice of Harper over one of the channels, shouting orders about something, and continued in the signals direction.

It was _eons_ before he finally rounded the corner into a mass of people. The uproar of their voices made his head ache something terrible, and he skirted the edges of the seething mass, the hope of seeing her familiar head of blonde amongst the crowd chipping away at him ever so slowly. The shadows clung to him as he moved, claws wedged between his shoulder blades and dragged behind him like a slab of soaked-through, rotting meat and with every second that passed another piece of his heart crumbled away . . .

The crowd parted as if by some force of nature to reveal a medical shuttle parked off to the side, flanked by the entire crew of the Tempest in all their glory. There was the Krogan he often saw Ryder with, battered and weary from where he sat against a crate with a glass of some questionable drink in one hand and his rifle in the other; the Angaran she’d dragged across Kadara, seated as well and cradling his left leg with a pad of bandages as he scanned the crowd; and there, in the middle of the shuttle's entrance, stood Cora with her shotgun hefted against her shoulder, scaring off anyone who got just a little too close despite the numerous holes in her armour. In any other situation, Reyes would have found it amusing, how deflated the group looked, all bloodied with downcast eyes like a bunch of depressed teenagers.

Instead, he felt his heart jump into his throat as he pushed forward, leaving the shadows in his wake.

Cora immediately spotted him. Her frown didn’t lessen as she lifted her gun off her shoulder and into her hands. The Krogan turned his gaze towards Reyes, and slowly the entire crew were freezing him to the spot from their respective positions defending the shuttle. _Defending their Pathfinder_ , Reyes thought absently as he caught a glimpse of the shuttle's interior.

 _Sidra_.

Reyes knew he was staring, knew that her entire crew was watching him stare and he found himself not caring in the slightest. Through his hazy vision, Reyes watched Ryder where she was sitting with her back against the side of the shuttle. She had her legs splayed out before her, half of her body without armour pieces from where the doc had removed them to check on injuries, probably, and her shotgun laid discarded by her side. It took Reyes a moment to realise she wasn’t alone in the shuttle; another body was laid out opposite her in a similar condition to her and their hands were intertwined. Reyes felt ashamed that the first time he laid eyes on Seth Ryder was when he was a broken mess on a makeshift medical cot. 

An asari doctor crouched down beside Ryder and injected her with something before moving to remove another armour piece. The veins in Ryder’s neck suddenly went taunt as she gritted her teeth through the pain as the doctor pulled the blood-soaked arm piece away.

It was then, in the blur of pain, that Ryder swung her head to the side and caught sight of Reyes.

Her eyes were red-rimmed (from either exhaustion, pain or tears, he couldn’t really tell) and a bruise was forming across the entire right side of her face, the purples and blues of it almost glimmering in the light. Streaks of hair framed her sweat-covered face and her lip was swollen worse than after he’d kissed it raw some months ago.

Reyes hadn’t seen anyone more beautiful in his entire life.

He felt himself smiling like a fool as his heart begun beating again.

There was a long moment of silence where she just gasped for breath, eyes on him, before the ghost of a smile started to tug at the corner of her mouth. It never got further than that, but Reyes still felt proud that he’d been able to rouse even that from her, considering how close to the edge she was. He was about to risk the butt of Cora’s shotgun to his jaw and go to her when the shuttle’s engines started up. Ryder’s eyes slowly dropped from his back to her twin’s barely-conscious form with a sigh.

When the human doctor offered room for one extra to the general vicinity, Reyes remained screwed to the spot like a coward. Cora jumped in and the shuttle disappeared into the clouds of smoke billowing from the remnants of the battle. The rest of the crew started to meander away – back to the Tempest, most likely – but Reyes remained where he was, on the verge of tears and alone.

 

* * *

 

 It wasn’t for another thirty-six hours until Reyes saw her again.

He’d found decent enough distraction with the Collective and Kadaran business, trying to organise his forces and get the word out about Meridian, that the thought of her didn’t occupy his mind _entirely_. There were enough miscreants and dramas to keep him occupied, but his patience had worn too thin eventually. That afternoon he found himself trying to navigate his way through the Hyperion.

If Reyes was being honest, the place was a mess. Half the thing was a burning pile of rubble scattered around Meridian, and the other half was barely functional enough to support much power or activity. It took him a frustratingly long time to find Ryder’s quarters, long enough that he almost turned back.

Cora was guarding the door.

“No visitors, Vidal,” she sighed without looking up from the datapad in her lap.

Reyes felt a frown creasing his brow despite himself. “Come on, Cora, I’ll only be a moment.”

“U-huh,” she muttered absentmindedly.

“I just want to see her.”

“You already did.”

He scratched at his forehead, the seeds of his temper stirring ever so slightly within him. “I’ll be five minutes.”

There was a long moment where Reyes was sure she was either going to ignore him entirely, or decline him again. A few months ago, he wouldn’t have blamed her. Hell, maybe he still shouldn’t blame her. But there was so much he needed to say to the woman on the other side of the door, so much he needed to get out before it consumed him heart and soul, and if Cora –

“She needs her rest,” she said, interrupting his thoughts, and Reyes realised she’d stood to meet his gaze at some point. Her omni-tool blinked orange at her wrist, and with a sigh, Cora turned and unlocked the door. “Five minutes, Vidal.”

“Five minutes,” he repeated, more to himself than her.

The room was cloaked in darkness besides the light in the kitchenette that set a strange orange glow over the space. A myriad of photo frames and ornaments decorated the shelves and Reyes found himself staring at a photo of a dark-haired woman who looked eerily like Ryder. Her mother, he supposed.

Rounding the corner, he noticed a figure coming through the door at the other end of the room. The golden light played on her features so damn well that Reyes could have kissed her right then and there, if only things had been a little different.

“Reyes,” Ryder whispered to him across the room, and he felt his heart flutter at the familiar voice.

He let a small smile slip through despite the fear wracking him. “Ryder.”

She stared at him a moment longer before moving further into the light and to the kitchen. Reyes leant his hip against the bench and watched her make herself a cup of coffee. The bruise had turned to an ugly yellow-black colour since he’d last seen her, but some of the smaller cuts on her face had healed over. The wound she’d had on her arm seemed to still be bothering her a little from the way she favoured her other when using the coffee machine, and when she reached to get a mug he wasn’t oblivious to the way she failed to hide her wince.

He didn’t try to hide the fact that he’d been staring when she turned to him again. “Want one?”

“Sure.”

A deafening silence enveloped them for the few minutes it took for the machine to do its thing. Reyes had taken a seat at the small table, eyes scanning the room. He absently wondered if she used the space much, or if the memories that obviously lingered in the shadows were too much for her to bear. He knew he would have avoided the place like the plague, if it had been riddled with memorabilia of his family. No need to dredge up the dead.

His eyes were on the door she’d entered through when she finally took a seat opposite him.

“Sorry about the lights,” she said as she pushed his cup over to him (not that it had to go far, the table was small enough that their knees bumped). “Doc said I should leave them off for a bit.”

“You okay?” Reyes said, careless to how quickly the words slipped.

She’d obviously noticed, though, and her dark eyes watched an invisible spot over his shoulder for a moment. When she met his gaze again, she whispered, “Not really. Better then Seth, but we both fried more than a few brain cells.”

Reyes leant back in his chair, mug cupped between both of his hands, and tried to forget about the weird Remnant tech that had caused so much of this shit. “He’ll be fine, if he’s anything like you.”

“He better be, or I’ll kick his ass. I’ve had enough of him sleeping.”

Reyes breathed out a laugh at that, and where Ryder usually would have done the same, she instead seemed to be content with a small smile that hardly reached her eyes. She looked better than she had in the shuttle, but the shadows still clung to her in places they shouldn’t have. _The shadows are meant for me, not her_.

“You just come for the free coffee or what?” she asked eventually, the hint of . . . something else behind her words that caught Reyes off guard for a second.

He’d spent most of his life in andromeda lying, if he was being honest, and up until the Pathfinder showed up on his doorstep, that had suited him just fine. There was nothing wrong with the shadows, after all. But then she’d walked in, all naïve and optimistic with enough guts to pull a gun on Sloane Kelly in her own throne room and things had . . . changed. Sure, she was attractive in ways a lot of women roaming Kadara weren’t and her sense of humour made him laugh at the most inappropriate time, but there was something behind those swirling dark eyes that intrigued him. She’d destroyed enemies before his eyes with a single biotic punch, had managed (somehow) to charm half of Sloane’s entourage despite hating all their guts, and had taken the piss hole that was Kadara and made it into something worthy of beauty again. Reyes had never seen one person bring about so much destruction and life at the same time, had never seen someone so determined to break through the walls erected before her. Sappy as it sounded, she inspired him with her strength and courage and bravery. The fact that she had soft hair and a nice ass was just a bonus.

Saying those things to her face would just embarrass him, though. So, he stuck with the one thing he should have always given her: the simple truth.

“I digress, I did not in fact come to steal your coffee,” he said with less of his usual glibness, and at that Ryder seemed to settle in to listen. _Bless her_. “Look, Ryder, I haven’t regretted much in my life. Shits hit the fan at least three times in the past week and I’ve lost a lot of good people to this fight, but if I got a message tomorrow asking for my aid to save the galaxy I’d say yes. I’d lose those same lives all over again if I knew I’d be saving countless more. That’s what we’re here for, right, to save the dream or whatever it is the Nexus is preaching these days.”

Reyes put his cup down and spread his hands on the table, struggling to keep eye contact. “Whatever it was we had, Ryder . . . I don’t regret that either. That night was spectacular. But I do regret what happened in that cave and the way I hurt you and I’m . . . sorry. You deserved better than that. You deserved _me_ to be better than that. I let you down, I know that. But it was special, _us_ , and with everything that’s happened . . . I just wanted to know where I stand.”

Ryder had become a statue before him and he was almost worried she wasn’t breathing. Her eyes were trained so intently on him that Reyes struggled to hold her gaze, but did because he owed her that much. She started biting her lip when he whispered, “I just want to know where _we_ stand.”

That seemed to break her. Her head fell into her hands and Reyes gave her the privacy to think through her thoughts; his speech had been running through his mind all morning, after all. Picking his cup up again, he fiddled with the foam that had crusted around the rim with his index finger. A strand of hair fell in his eyes, and he absently flicked it away.

When he lifted his gaze again, her eyes were on him and they were brimming with tears.

He felt his mouth fall open a little. “Ryder –”

“No,” she interrupted him, her voice barely audible. He let her speak. “It did hurt. A fucking lot, ok? I was angry that you didn’t trust me and I wanted _so badly_ to stay angry with you. Shit, I tried to move on, tried so goddamned hard.” 

She was on the verge of breaking into tears, but Reyes didn’t dare move a muscle.

“And I couldn’t. I still can’t. I tried to move on, but nobody’s you,” she whispered, tears breaking their banks.

Reyes refrained from letting out a sigh of relief but couldn’t stop himself from reaching across the small expanse of table that separated them and taking her fisted hand in his. He could feel her trembling in his grip, could feel the cold splash of her tears falling on his skin, but he didn’t take his eyes from hers. Enveloped in orange light, all golden hair and dark eyes and bruises, she was the most breathtaking thing he’d ever counted at his.

“Doesn’t mean you’re not an ass sometimes,” she muttered, wiping the tears away with her free hand. “And you still owe me a dance to make up for ditching me.”

The laugh spilled from him uncontrollably and a second later Ryder followed suit. Sitting beside her in the dark, crying and laughing and holding hands, Reyes didn’t think there was anywhere else he’d rather be.

"Now that, my dear Pathfinder, is something I can do."

**Author's Note:**

> i'm now officialy reyes vidal trash . . . and i'm sorry for the angst (not really but oh well)


End file.
